You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
