Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
