Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
