...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
