I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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