Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
