3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
