Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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