By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
