so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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