I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Houston, we have a blender
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
