I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
