You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
