We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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