I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
