My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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