I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
