I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
