dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
