if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
