yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
