come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
