Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
