her vagine was all disorganized.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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