Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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