i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The air taste purple.
Randomize
