I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
