sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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