I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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