I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
