I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
