I skipped work to stalk him.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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