yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
