i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
