Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
