You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
