tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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