Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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