You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Never joke about your clitoris.
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