I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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