You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
