It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
