i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
