I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
