i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
