We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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