I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
