So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
