Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
