pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
