he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
