I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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