I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
