So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
