so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
