my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
