why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We're too hungover to prance.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
