ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
