How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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