I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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