the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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