Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
